R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith

We are gathered here today,
To say goodbye.
We'll miss you every day,
Now that you've up and died.

Now I'm not going to pretend,
I'm not happy to see you go.
For you this is the end,
Well...later ho.


Yeah, that's my goodbye poem for Vickie Lynn Marshall, aka Anna Nicole Smith. I'm going to be completely honest: when I first found out Anna Nicole croaked, I was shocked. Then once the initial surprise wore off (not that I was saddened by the news, mind you), I realized something: good riddance. Come on everybody, let's hear it for Anna Nicole Smith: hip, hip, hooray!

You're such a heartless asshole! She just died and you're happy about it? How insensitive can you be?
Not insensitive enough. Oooh...another porn star/Playboy model down the drain. Big deal. That bitch was about as irreplaceable as her breasts, and equally as fake. Oh and a big HA HA to anyone who enjoyed those fun bags: they're probably melting away with the rest of Anna Nicole in the bowels of Hell right now. What a shame.

Why have I no sympathy for Vickie Lynn (which I think is a way better name than Anna Nicole)? Simple. She exemplified everything I hate about women: she was fake, shallow, vain, whorish, and worst of all, she gave the institution of marriage a big slap in the face when she married J. Howard Marshall (a man made rich from the oil industry; he was 89 years old at the time they were married). How is that a slap in the face of marriage? Marriage is supposed to be a showing of love and dedication of two individuals (I'm not specifying gender either so go eat nuts if you don't like it) who want to spend the rest of their lives together in holy matrimony. Contrary to what anyone tells you, Anna Nicole married him for his money.
But she may have actually loved him!
Right. Two problems with that theory:
1.) She was 26, he was 89- that's a 63 year difference for those of you who can't do math. In perspective, that's a man approaching the age of retirement, marrying a newborn. Tell me what the hell a 26 year old could see in an 89 year old? Wrinkles and a worn out penis maybe, but more importantly, a bottomless wallet.
2.) Women don't love.

Anna Nicole Smith married an 89 year old billionaire for his money and his money only: for that alone the bitch deserved to die and I'm thankful she did.

On another note I do really feel sorry for her 5-month old daughter. Poor kid is going to be stuck living her life in the shadow of, and in the absence of her mother. I have no clue who the child's father is, but hopefully it's someone who can pick up the slack and be a parent to the little girl. Then again, in order to get her pregnant, he must have taken it upon himself to stick himself into that hollowed-out cave-gina of hers. Oh well. There's always adoption.