How I like my women.

Since all the ladies out there have been crawling to my doorstep lately, begging to get crunk with the captain (that is, me, Captain Crunk), I figured I'd list some of the things I look for in a broad.

• I like my women like my peanut butter...light brown and chunky.
  
  
• I like my women like my chairs...with four legs and a comfortable frame to sit on.
  
  
• I also like my women like my peanut butter in another way...in a jar in the pantry.
  
  
• I like my women like my shoes...damp and smelly.
  
  
• I like my women like my evelvators...able to effortlessly carry me from floor to floor.
  
  
• I like my women like my restaurants...always ready and willing to serve me food.
  
  
• I like my women like my Slinky's...springy and fun to watch roll down the stairs.
  
  
• I like my women like my groceries...packed together in a plastic bag.
  
  
• I like my women like my computers...full of silicone and doing my work for me.
  
  
• I like my women like my French fries...deep fried and cheesy.
  
  
• I like my women like my pretzels...twisted and covered in chocolate.
  
  
• I like my women like my leather...tough, black, and produced by a cow.
  
  
• I like my women like my Jell-O...cold, green, and jiggly.
  
  
• I like my women like my belts...wrapped around my waist holding my pants up.
  
  
• I like my women like my ants...stepped on.
  
  
• I like my women like my sunflower seeds...roasted and salty.
  
  
• I like my women like my alcoholics...passed out on the couch.
  
  
• I like my women like my apples...dangling from a tree.
  
  
• I like my women like my Buddhists....oh wait, no one likes Buddhists.
  
  
• I like my women like with pizza....with a six-pack.
  
  
• I like my women like my ovens....hot and always in the kitchen.
  
  

So, any of you bitches think you fit the description? Let me know if you do because you're probably just full of shit, like all other women.
Hey, I'm not picky.