The solution to all of your problems.

I figured it out today. What did I figure out you ask? EVERYTHING.
Every question you've ever needed the answer to, I have the answer for.

So allow me to introduce to you the PERFECT solution for all of your problems: suicide.
So you're not sure how suicide is the answer to all of life's questions, eh? Well allow me to give you a few examples.

Pregnant? Hell, nothing says suicide like pregnancy. Come on, be honest with yourself here: you're not ready to have children. In fact, you'll probably one of the shittiest parents in the world. Plus if you have a kid and it pisses me off, I'll be coming to your house to stomp your ass, and that'd be even WORSE than suicide. No one wants me to deliver an ass beating after their stupid-shit kid gets on my nerves. NO ONE.

This one is to help all of my fellow seniors out there: can't get accepted to college? Eh, to hell with all of it. If you can't get accepted at some college or other post-secondary school, you're probably just destined for failure and no one wants a life like that. So just end it and save your parents a lot of money. If you kill yourself now, they'll have plenty of money for your funeral! You've always wanted a fancy funeral didn't you? Of course you did. You're an asshole. You ought to just kill yourself for wanting an expensive funeral anyway. Jeez...quit being such a spoiled little brat. Once you're dead you won't give a damn about your funeral anyway. The best way to do it in this case is to drown yourself in the ocean that way there will be no physical part of you left for anyone to bury. At least you'll have done something right.

If you're an asshole that writes hit lists and drops them around at school to create semi-disorder: death is the only option for you. No, really. What the hell are you trying to prove anyway? If you're going to go nuts and attack our school, man up and do it you pussy. Don't tease me by pretending. Which brings me to another point: why am I not on the hit list(s)? I make it a point to be a dickhead to as many people as I possibly can yet I don't make it onto some piss-ant's hit list? Must be a moron writing the list. In all honesty, if you're going to shoot up the school, why reveal it to everyone and draw all of this attention to the idea? Do you want caught that badly? You're making me ask too many questions and thus you should do the right thing and answer them all for me. With a single gunshot. Directed at yourself. With suicide- the solution to all of your problems.

Know what? To hell with it all. EVERYONE should commit suicide and solve EVERY problem in the world. With no one left, there will be no one to start shit. And with no one left, I'll be able to roam the earth as I please and do what I want without people pissing me off- which should be a crime punishable by execution...legally I mean. Just because executing those who piss me off isn't legal doesn't mean I'm not allowed to do it.

Remember- I write the rules, I break the rules.




***just so you know, I'm not planning on EVER killing ANYONE...so don't kick me out of school for fuck's sake.